liquor store, liquor store, 24 hr mart, babershop, gay bar... gay bar? I think we should turn around.

I am a girl. I have boobs. Being hit on by creepy old men in bars is just something you have to take as being a part of being a girl with boobs. It happens. So what happens when you go to a Gay bar with two very straight, cute boys... and me? You get, ha ha, now you know how I feel guys. or.....

Adventures of straight boys in a gay bar
(Everybody Loves Raymond)

This past Friday; Ron, Derek and took a road trip up to Albany to see The Strokes concert (which was AWESOME by the way... and it is actually kind of sad that this night will never be remembered as the awesome Strokes concert, but as the night of Derek's " the Bad Touch" in a gay bar.)

So we get out of the Concert, walk back to my car, try to call this kid Zogby who we are friends with who live in Albany, but he doesn't answer. We decide to check out the bars around the area where the concert was. It wa G-H-E-T-T-O. We keep walkin down the street and after we pass like 4 liquor stores, a barber shop, a couple 24hr markets packed with people at midnight, a couple hair salons and what looks like a townie bar with a bunch of guys standing outside smoking and shit. We turn around and run right into this bunch of dudes. Raymond, the owner or bartender or whoever was like, hey you all should come in and have a drink, C'mon it's on me, just tell them Raymond sent you in... 3...2...1... OH CRAP, its a gay bar!

The boys both look at me (probably because they wanted me to make the decision, so a) they wouldn't seem like they wanted to go into a gay bar, or b) if something went wrong, they could blame me. ) I say, its up to you boys, I'm cool with it.

"Ok, well, what's one free beer." Oh, Famous last words.

Raymond tells us to go on in to the bar and say that Raymond sent us. (and "not to worry honey"... to me... "the bartender is straight at shirtless" =sweet!... by the way he sprayed water on his half naked chest for me... it was nice)

We go into the bar, immediately Ronnie notices the naked cherub boy holding his nuts statue in back, we get our beers, I flirt with the bar tender and a creepy, dirty old man starts flirting with Derek and Ron. He says to the boys: How about I suck your c*ck, I bet i could suck it better than she can (motions toward me) Ron flat out tells the guy no, no way, I'm straight. Derek makes the mistake of trying to break this guy's balls back... which of course the creepy guy takes as flirting. (now this guy was a dirty old man, gay or straight, he was creepy, in any other bar, he would have been hitting on me.. I should make it clear that I have nothing against gay men... i have a lot against dirty old men, regardless of their sexual orientation).

Derek finishes he beer really fast and wants to leave. Ron and I (assholes that we are, are taking our sweet time). Finally we all finish our beer, Ron and I go to say goodbye to Raymond and thank him for the drinks (which is implied that Derek comes with us, however he is cut off by another creepy dirty old man). We go to say thanks to Raymond, but he is doing a shot of tequilla (during the song teqilla) so we have to wait until the tequillaness is done.

Ron and I say our goodbyes to 'Everybody Loves Raymond' who was very understanding when we told him we were sorry to leave but had to go rescue our friend from the creepy guy. We did run into Marilyn on the way out...who was a drag queen with a much nicer rack than me. I was a little jealous, no lies.

Outside the bar, halfway down the street Ron and I are laughing so hard the locals hanging out on the street are giving us weird looks, and Derek is walking about 10 ft behind head down, muttering, When I stop being creeped out, I'm gonna punch you both in the head. we're all so nice to each other.

Poor Derek. His manhood took a serious blow. And he still has not heard the end of it... ahahahaha!

(the italics wont turn off...please mind the annoyance)